FOR AMBITION, condition at an all-time high and providing excellent results despite exacerbating other preexisting conditions; leave untreated, as it may prove useful.
FOR ANGER, resulting from various ailments (mostly self-inflicted); resume boxing routine as soon as possible.
FOR BROKEN HEART, even if not really broken, only burned (maybe just singed a few times); a daily intake of wine and/or whiskey, alternated with running and half-hearted yoga and even-less-hearted meditation.
FOR CELIBACY, a condition brought on as long-term result of EMOTIONAL TRAUMA (see below); place blame firmly on happenstance, treat ineffectively by complaining.
FOR DEHYDRATION, as a result of altitude, prolonged exposure to low temperatures, ingestion of alcohol, intense physical fitness regimen, use of prescription opioids for pain management (see ENDOMETRIOSIS below); increase water intake to 3L/day minimum.
FOR DYSMENORRHEA, see ENDOMETRIOSIS below, when causing potential disruption to work; seek recommended opioids, take around the clock on worst days, soldier through work and privately complain about cramps (because that's all it really is).
FOR EMOTIONAL TRAUMA, which itself may or may not be hyperbole, a result of research taken upon oneself while under stress; guilt, denial, sex (briefly, see CELIBACY above), and alcohol.
FOR ENDOMETRIOSIS, per gynaecologist's diagnosis, primarily characterised by extreme DYSMENORRHEA (see above), previously treated with combined oral contraceptives (discontinued); take NSAIDs at patient's discretion, opioids as prescribed by an attending physician if condition worsens and pain becomes unmanageable on NSAIDs alone, keep diagnosis and treatment private.
FOR FEET, COLD, both literal and figurative; socks and self-loathing.
FOR FEET, SORE, caused by running; use foot roller as needed.
FOR HANGOVER, despite deserving to suffer through it; run through it even if it triggers nausea, repeat.
FOR INADEQUACY, FEELINGS OF, pervasive condition that has resisted all previous courses of treatment; continue with current treatment program of AMBITION (see above) and OVERWORK (see below) to excess.
FOR INSOMNIA, not chronic; let the condition run its course, it will pass soon enough and may present opportunity for previously avoided self-reflection.
FOR INSTINCT, MATERNAL, chronic condition; indulge this condition through the young people in the family, celebrate and enjoy it, don't be concerned with long-term implications.
FOR ISOLATION, SELF-INDUCED, as a result of EMOTIONAL TRAUMA (see above) and OVERWORK (see below), exacerbating condition of CELIBACY above; force a short weekend break with friends for use later as a way of dismissing the problem (because, see, it's solved!), continue with present course until breaking point is reached.
FOR OVERWORK, recurring condition, previously treated with what is called 'time off' in common parlance; work.
FOR SALLOW SKIN, often disregarded due to reliance on cosmetics for work; minimise cigarette usage.
FOR SENSE OF HUMOUR, MISPLACED, rarely sighted and even rarer still used; maintenance of newfound friendships, as keeping with the present course may lead to stumbling upon this missing sense.
FOR SHIN SPLINTS, resulting from running to excess and in spite of pain; ice shins nightly, ignore at leisure.
FOR TIGHT HIPS, a woman's cross to bear and an athlete's status quo; complete computer-based work while in eka pada rajakapotasana with reckless disregard for emotional component of this sort of strain.
FOR WEIGHT LOSS, unplanned but not avoided; add more healthy fats to diet, increase weight-bearing exercise to build muscle mass, disregard emotional component to avoid both seriousness of condition and further complication of otherwise straightforward course of treatment.