What have they done to each other? (Probably the sex.)

This is the most awful* fictional couple in film and literary history, Nick and Amy Dunne of Gone Girl.

*Do not @ me. They are The Worst™.

But sure, they're also hot together.

And I'm here for any representation of relationships in which the guy goes down on his lady on the first date. #goals

Even if you're not a fan of the movie, you probably know who they are in real life. He's Academy Award-winner Henry Dessner.

Yes, he won an Oscar for playing the racist cop in Twenty-Seven Billboards On Top of the O.K. Corral, or whatever it was called.

He probably ruined men for you forever in 13 Going on 30, among other late-90s/early-2000s rom-coms and melodramas.

He let our love fern die.

Okay fine, he also did Gigli, but ten years later he directed Argo and we have mostly forgiven him.

I mean, could you stay mad at those arms? Yeah, neither could we.

Meanwhile, she is Elizabeth Alton*.

*Technically The Honourable Elizabeth Gower-Alton, but we presume that only her godson Prince Louis of Cambridge (yes, really) calls her that.

She's definitely your mom's fave Bond girl, and has a buttload of British theater and film awards.

Plus she's got a degree from Oxford and also has a degree in making out with both halves of the Craig-Weisz marriage. Clever girl.

A sorta reformed problematic fave, she started an entirely female-led production company and was out there in support of #TimesUp.

Probably because she started her career being stalked by a guy with cue cards, and now knows that's not okay.

Basically, they're each hot, and they were definitely sexy as these godawful people.

(Obligatory mention that you see his dick but she pretty much keeps her clothes on because that's just like, the rules of feminism.)

As for how they've used that hotness, he's been linked to INSERT NAMES!

Blah blah probably too old for this person BLAH SNARKY BLAH.

She's allegedly hit it with her past costars Colin Farrell and Jude Law.

I'm starting to think she has a type. If you are occasionally scruffy and were born in the '70s, inquire within.

But last weekend, while we were all minding our own business, some people in Boston were NOT. And the evidence has finally piled up that the people behind those two fictional sickos might be a thing in the real world. Let's begin.

This "Victoria's" is a 24-hour diner and Boston institution – not exactly where you go to be completely inconspicuous, but also adorably local. Beers and sandwiches! They're just like us!

There was this person, who appeared to clock Elizabeth "on a date" with a "really handsome guy" on Saturday the 18th.
olivemartini8 · Follow
No. 9 Park
olivemartini8 Pictured: beautiful drinks. Not pictured: even more beautiful @elizabethalton a few tables over! Everyone else might know her from films but I think she's one of the most talented stage actors of our time. I saw her "Othello" when I was studying in London, and in "Constellations" on Broadway a few years back. I always regretted not waiting to meet her at the stage door and I never want to be "that person" who interrupts celebrities but I couldn't pass it up and my friend @heyliana who I was having dinner with gave me the courage to just do it! I stopped at her table on the way out – I think she was on a date (really handsome guy, too), she was in the sexiest simple black dress I've ever seen, but she couldn't have been any nicer (especially given that I, you know, interrupted her date to word-vomit about how much I admire her). Here's hoping she's dating a local and we meet again! #ElizabethAlton


On its own? Sure, maybe this gorgeous posho ended up dating a random handsome Bostonian, and just happened to also hang out with a famous friend while visiting this mystery man. OR this drama nerd didn't realize she was actually talking to one of the most famous working actors from Boston (gotta love the nerds), because if I were Random Boyfriend I would NOT be okay with my lady doing everything else for which there's evidence in this post with another dude, and only seeing me for dinner. Case closed: drama nerds strike again. (BTW, the restaurant, No. 9 Park, is regularly listed among Boston's best and most romantic restaurants. No big.)

Every good date that lasts all weekend involves a scruffy morning-after breakfast.

Glasses! Disgusting beanies! If they didn't 100% #wakeuplikethis together, I'll eat not only my hat, but THAT awful hat too.

BUT WAIT! There's more.

Hm, who were you dropping at the airport, buddy?

A little over an hour later...

A. SOX. CAP. It's a good way to fly incognito in Boston, sure, but posh Ms Alton doesn't strike me as the baseball cap type, even to go under the radar, ergo it MUST be an act of affection for someone.

Oh, and she's a fan of "The Americans." Plus one actual American in particular, we suspect.

David Fincher right now, probably.

I bet they do fifty takes of sex every time.